Going Through a Second Miscarriage

10:35 PM

I never thought I would be writing this post.

6 months exactly from the day we heard our first baby had no heartbeat, I took a pregnancy test and saw two little lines. We were so excited. FINALLY. After 6 months of sadness and hurt we finally had our rainbow baby.

We talked nonchalantly about the future, nicknames, joked about Payden's gear getting evicted from the spare bedroom. We were both worried out of our minds but tried to stay positive. All was good. I was going to make a doctors appointment for later in the week to confirm and get referred to the hospital. This was it.

Until it wasn't. The next night I started bleeding at 2am. Cramping hard. I knew immediately what was happening and there was no stopping it. I didn't bother going to the ER because I knew there was nothing they could do. We were losing another baby, even smaller than the last but a baby none the less. I didn't want to wake Payden up so I waited until morning to tell him.

A day following I went to the doctor to get my blood taken for an HCG test to confirm the pregnancy and have it put on my medical record. That was the worst of everything. I didn't want to be in that building. Part of me wanted to pretend it never happened. They had to stick me three different times before they got the blood they needed which was probably the worst of it all.

I don't know why this has happened again. My heart hurts and aches for the loss of another baby. No answers why.

Third time is hopefully the charm. I pray that it true and we will have our rainbow baby soon, healthy and full term.

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